You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
