ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
