he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
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You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
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At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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