Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
