He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
