I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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