The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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