.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
