Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
