Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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