Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
