That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Randomize
