I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I need water and some morals
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
