sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
