i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
