The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
