I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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