honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
