We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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