Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
