woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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