Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
