Jerry, you need to find god
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
