cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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