It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
