The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
