Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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