"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
