so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
