I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
