I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
