she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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