I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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