I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
