i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Randomize
