all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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