I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
