Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
