I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
