Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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