I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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