in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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