yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
