how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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