I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize