WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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