Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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