I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
