Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
