The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
