Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
