the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
