my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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