It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
They left me at home... I'm a liability
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
