she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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