if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me