Texts From Last Night

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  (415): View more from California

  How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?

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  (415): How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control? http://tfl.nu/y9i1
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.

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  (630): I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted. http://tfl.nu/87dj
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags

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  (404): Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags http://tfl.nu/uxsx
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm

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  (612): I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm http://tfl.nu/twuk
  Replies (21) Good night (3490) Bad night (4280) Order T-Shirt
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".

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  (705): And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper". http://tfl.nu/bpaf
  Replies (10) Good night (1133) Bad night (4072) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.

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  (978): apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material. http://tfl.nu/gr1e
  Replies (12) Good night (2121) Bad night (1025) Order T-Shirt
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  (716): View more from New York

  There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair

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  (716): There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair http://tfl.nu/dbyu
  Replies (2) Good night (2090) Bad night (1074) Order T-Shirt
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.

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  (832): Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control. http://tfl.nu/bxmz
  Replies (2) Good night (1599) Bad night (1132) Order T-Shirt
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.

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  (765): I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night. http://tfl.nu/jw9u
  Replies (17) Good night (717) Bad night (4082) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?

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  (215): Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave? http://tfl.nu/vjuq
  Replies (11) Good night (2217) Bad night (577) Order T-Shirt
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  (228): View more from Mississippi

  Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?

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  (228): Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know? http://tfl.nu/qpy1
  Replies (9) Good night (1692) Bad night (437) Order T-Shirt
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.

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  (479): There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell. http://tfl.nu/h1ye
  Replies (4) Good night (656) Bad night (382) Order T-Shirt
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok

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  (609): I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok http://tfl.nu/nqil
  Replies (4) Good night (198) Bad night (447) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!

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  (404): It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs! http://tfl.nu/8k9t
  Replies (4) Good night (512) Bad night (176) Order T-Shirt
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die

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  (775): Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die http://tfl.nu/wat0
  Replies (2) Good night (384) Bad night (118) Order T-Shirt

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