There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
