Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
