Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
