I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
