I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
