Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
