Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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