oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
