He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
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Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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