that's an acceptable place to lick
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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