i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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