the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
