just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize