Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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