How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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