I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
